Pretzel Day turns one month

One month ago today we embarked on a journey.

Three aspiring, young writers took a chance and launched their very own website, unsure how the world would react.

Over five thousand views and many laughs later, here we are. Together. Us and you.

In honor of our first anniversary, (hopefully the first of many, but with the divorce rate as high as it is in this country, who knows) let’s take a look at the Best of Pretzel Day.

Today, Pretzel Day feels like a proud father

Pretzel Day has been familiar with Duke guard Jon Scheyer for a number of years now. In many respects, we have more in common with him than we do differences. We might have even been able to become friends.

However, seeing as how he continually beat our old high school basketball team, we never quite got along with him. (Also, the fact that we were never formally introduced is another obstacle to friendship.)

Regardless, we, and other high school students hailing from the north shore I’m sure, realized that, when photographed, he had a propensity to look kind of funny.

Why is Kyle Orton celebrating?

We know that Kyle Orton likes to party.

Thanks to this picture which began circulating the internet a few years ago, we can tell that Orton likes to party with Jack Daniels and what appears to be Coca-Cola. He also likes to pour alcohol onto his chin and leave it there, all shiny-like. Also, he lets it dribble onto his shirt.

Expect the bars and liquor stores in Orton’s hometown to experience a boom in business tonight, because barring some bizarre, unforeseen circumstance, he will have plenty to celebrate tonight.

No word yet on the specific effect jungle juice has on one’s cancer risk

Today is a sad day for college students everywhere. In addition to many colleges being in the midst of midterms (not mine, but some are) UK cancer researches have uncovered some harrowing news regarding alcohol and its effects.

For years, college students (and middle aged WASPy women with nothing better to do than watch soaps during the day) have argued that their heavy drinking was good for them because alcohol can be “heart healthy.” A study released by Cancer Research UK has gone and really screwed things up for everyone.

Happy Pancake Day!

In the spirit of days giving out free food starting with the letter P, Pretzel Day would like to wish you a very Happy Pancake Day! From 7 AM to 10 PM, IHOP will be celebrating the holiday by giving out free short stacks (three) of their famous buttermilk pancakes. A day of stuffing your face with these fluffy delights, this holiday conjoins with Mardi Gras, as people all over the world to load up on their pancakes before Lent. I don’t really get it, but I’ll take the free flapperjacks. I’m planning on a breakfast, lunch, and dinner IHOP run tomorrow. College + Free Food = Awesome.

Danny Ocean’s involvement in the scheme remains unclear

Greece has a long and proud history and, given its size, has contributed an inordinate amount to the world.

Democracy, geometry, philosophy, Socrates and myself are just a few examples of Greek accomplishments which are still around today.

However, within the last few millenia, Greece’s contributions have declined a teeny bit. Aside from a brieft moment of glory during World War II when Greece kicked the crap out of Italy and gave Germany all they could handle, there have been more embarassing moments than proud ones.

Last Sunday was no different.

The Oscars: Where ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ won enough gold to feed Mumbai for a decade

Sorry for the slight break in posting, folks. I happened to be on a little vacation this weekend and my system was in a bit of a shock. I left the stark reality of the 765 for the luxurious escape of my hometown in the North Shore.

Anyways, the Oscars were last night and Slumdog Millionaire was the big winner. However, there were plenty of other highlights on the evening.

Zach Braff may or may not be my Jewish half brother

This is a reality I have been trying to dodge for years. I have desperately been trying to avoid certain things for too long. I have tried to hide, but there is no place remote enough to conceal me. I have tried to outrun my past, but there is no place far enough. Today, I quit this childish behavior. Today, I come clean.

Everywhere I went people would ask me questions. Questions I would be afraid to answer. I am here today to tell you that I am afraid no more. It ends here.

A note to the hottest being in the universe

Dear Sun,

Call me crazy, but I think I love you.

As anyone who has ever loved and lost knows, it’s unbearably difficult to be without the one you love. Yeah the moon is cool and stuff, but I’m just not into guys. I know that you’ve been here for the past several months, but you’ve been acting so distant that it’s like you’re not even here. I was getting mixed signals. My mind says no but my body says yes.

This is the sorority I want my daughter to join

Alright everyone, put these yellow stickers on your nipples, put away your dignity, and flash the camera on three!

Well, it is Bid Day after all. And it’s not like this is going to come back and bite you in the ass.

In the spirit of R-Rated material and posting in the middle of mad-dash attempts to finish philosophy papers in the wee-hours of the night, Pretzel Day is happy to bring you the Vanderbilt’s Kappa Alpha Theta pledge class! Congratulations on your bids!