Easter is just around the corner. As a result, I think it’s high time I clear my conscience and issue a round of apologies. The following is me spilling my guts.
Archive for March, 2010
Before I get started into the recent etymology of the word epic, I would like to begin by greeting any Australian visitors this blog might have.
G’day! (I know, terribly cliche. I’m not happy I wrote that either.) My name is Peter. Any friend of Jay’s is a friend of mine. I’ve seen Crocodile Dundee, like, seven times. Furthermore, I’ve seen Crocodile Dundee 2 about five times. Crocodile Dundee 3, I only saw once. It wasn’t very good. I’m sorry. Please don’t tell Paul Hogan. On the other hand, I’m a huge fan of Colin Hay. Love it. Also, Scrubs which Jay says is huge over there.
We are not so different, American and Australia. We both begin with the letter A. We both were started by the Brits. We both have universal healthcare. (Almost) In conclusion, I hope you guys like Jay. But back to the topic at hand.
Continue reading ‘Thanks, Annoying People for ruining the word ‘epic’’
Greetings from Australia mates!
As some of our beloved readers know, I am currently in the middle of my semester studying abroad in Wollongong, Australia. The transition to Aussie life has been quite smooth – there aren’t too many big differences between our cultures. I have submerged myself into their beach lifestyle, have gotten into some Aussie music, and have even picked up on some of their lingo.
But one aspect of Australian life I have had trouble adjusting to goes against the very core of which I stand – sports.
Although I do enjoy me some footie (rugby), I must say that I have a major distaste for cricket. Cricket may be the national sport of Australia, but I just find it to be a more illogical, boring version of baseball.
And seeing how I used to be the manager of the greatest baseball team ever assembled, I think I know a thing or two about baseball.
This post is NOT a critique of Adam Sandler. I don’t know him very well, but I generally like him. I enjoy his movies. I liked Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison. I never saw Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but I heard it was better than you’d expect.
I even like Sandler’s more serious films. I loved Funny People. Apparently, that makes me a minority. (I hope that makes me eligible for affirmative action. I could use some breaks.) I have only met three other people who liked that movie. Literally. I don’t get it. It wasn’t funny like The Forty Year Old Virgin but it wasn’t supposed to be. It had heart. It was about learning to be happy with yourself. Whatever.
Regardless, unlike most people I do not have an issue with Funny People. I do, however, have an issue with another one of Adam Sandler’s serious films. Click. In my mind, Click is the least realistic of all Adam Sandler movies.
Pretzel Day gets a TON of fan mail. Literally a ton. It’s difficult to sort through it all. However, sometimes we get outstanding sample pieces and are asked to put them up on Pretzel Day. The following is a guest submission from a mysterious, unnamed author. We’ll call him “Marcus Twain.” Marcus, apparently, still believes it to be the year 2001 as he chose to write on the 2000 Presidential Election. No word yet when he (or she) will write a follow up piece discussing Y2k or “the internet.” Anyway, the following is Pretzel Day’s very first guest submission. If you would like to guest write, conduct Jay, Peter, or Robbie.
A lot of people are talking about spring break. This makes sense. After all, ’tis the season. (Just as an aside, I absolutely abuse the phrase “tis the season.” Literally, I abuse that phrase. I use it multiple times every season. In July if someone says, “Boy, it’s hot.” I’ll shrug and say, “Tis the season.” In October and someone comments about the changing leaves. “Tis the season.” Winter and it’s cold. Boom. Season.)
People always ask me, “Peter, what’s your ideal spring break? What would you do? What would it entail?”
This is me answering that question.
Another classic– the pie scene from American Pie. Follow that up with a threesome from “Y Tu Mama Tambien” and a ridiculous bathroom scene from “Unfaithful.” Then, a movie where a couple have violent and painful sex scene on the stairs. Whatever works I guess. Finally the best sex scene from a chick flick, “The Notebook.” This one’s for all the female readers, and Jay.
A gay sex scene from a movie I had never heard of, “A Beautiful Laundromat.” Right before the two guys go at it, someone in the audience yells, “No!” Then a movie I may or may not have heard of, “Bound.” Scattered giggles turn into complete silence as the scene progresses. Next a movie called “What is a Woman?” I have a fleeting suspicion the female in this scene may be a transsexual. Annnnnnd yup, here comes the penis.
“I thought we’d get to know each other better before I watched you pee.”
Published March 3, 2010 Robbie Leave a CommentAlmost Famous– another movie on the “must see” list. The scene wasn’t really a sex scene, but I guess the sex was implied. Now Clerks is playing. The characters are having a discussion about how many dicks the female character sucked.She says 37, prompting her boyfriend to exclaim, ”My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!” Man I love class.
Today’s class? The best sex scenes from movies. First off, “When Harry Met Sally,” the fake orgasm scene. Then came… Brokeback Mountain. Next up it’s Nine 1/2 Weeks. I’ve never seen this movie, but the sex scene is pretty good.
