The Curious Case of Robbie Levin


In honor of the upcoming Oscars, and because it has become apparent that I look strikingly similar to Brad Pitt, I thought I would try this out.

20??: I am born in New York, New York to Nik Lofgren and Serena Williams. Thus, while half of me may suck at tennis (that’s right Lofgren- 6-3 baby!), the other half surely compensates. In addition, I inherit the combined wit, athleticism, and fashion sense of this power couple. Also I’m half Greek, which will probably benefit me sometime later in life.

2070: After learning how to walk, I am immediately scouted by USC, Florida, and Texas. While all these schools offer me a scholarship, I choose to pursue a career in being a washed up athlete first.

2040: Finally, after writing three books, participating in two seasons of Pros vs. Joes, and completing one stint on Dancing with the Stars (I knew my Greekness would come in handy!), I am ready to come out of retirement and start my career as the only person ever to play in the NBA, the NFL, and the MLB.

2030: I meet Suri Cruise and we fall in love. Unfortunately, we realize that our lives are traveling in different directions. More to come.

2025: Together with veteran Tim Lincecum, I lead the San Francisco Giants to their tenth straight World Series title. In the World Series, we go up against Julio Franco, who is finally completing his farewell tour with the expansion Mexico City Crashers.

2020: I take a break from my sports career to try my hand at comedy (foreshadowing: I’m actually very funny and will eventually be voted funniest senior in my high school class). Along with the extremely successful new mega production company Threat Level Midnight Productions, I produce what many deem to be the funniest movie ever made. Called “The Last Kiss,” it is a story of three high school seniors attempting to fall in love for the first time. Tom Cruise begs to be a part of our movie, and we finally accept. On the first day of filming, we are introduced to his daughter, Suri. While she may only be a teenager, it feels like we have already met (shutup it’s not that creepy).

2016: I compete as part of Team USA in the Chicago Olympics. Ballin’!

2008: Barack Obama is elected President. Everyone claims to be surprised. Puuuuhhhhlease. I saw this coming for my entire life.

2004: I enroll in Glenbrook South High School. I realize that in my old age my body is too feeble to participate in sports, thus I take up sports writing. Also I join the orchestra and pretend to play the violin. Just for funsies.


2 Responses to “The Curious Case of Robbie Levin”

  1. 1 Jay February 8, 2009 at 1:26 am

    i don’t know what movie you watched, but time doesn’t go backwards.

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