Zach Braff may or may not be my Jewish half brother

6921_55286626023This is a reality I have been trying to dodge for years. I have desperately been trying to avoid certain things for too long. I have tried to hide, but there is no place remote enough to conceal me. I have tried to outrun my past, but there is no place far enough. Today, I quit this childish behavior. Today, I come clean.

Everywhere I went people would ask me questions. Questions I would be afraid to answer. I am here today to tell you that I am afraid no more. It ends here.

For a while now, whenver I would be around people and the subjects of movie would come up, I would hear a familiar refrain. Someone would always recommend the movie Garden State. They would tell me that I, “Totally seem like you would like that movie.” Everytime I was met with this recommendation, I would respond the same way.

No. I would tell them. No I did not like that movie.

I am here to set the record straight. I like that movie. I really do. It has a dark, dry sense of humor. Natalie Portman is a little cutie pie. The music is pretty good, too.

Why would I deny it for so many years then? The answers simple. There are connotations attached to fans of the movie. There is a definite stigma involved. If you are a Garden State fan, you are probably sensitive. You probably think you are really deep and philosophical. You think everyone needs to “live life.” You probably are a hipster. (I’m not quite sure what that word means, but I’ve heard it used often and often in a derisive manner. I don’t like being called derisive words.) You probably cry.

Now, I don’t display any of those above characteristics. (I have cried once in my life. I had just emerged from my mother’s birth canal and some jackass doctor slapped my behind. It hurt like hell.) But I was so afraid of being labled the stereotypical Garden State fan that I was forced into hiding. I hid and I hid well.

But last weekend I “accidentally” watched the first thirty minutes on TV. That’s when I realized I could not hide who I was any longer. I learned alongside one Andrew “Large” Largeman that the key to living is living with yourself.

If you wish to make fun of me for my affinity for Garden State, fine. Go ahead. I’ll take solace in the fact that I am being true to myself. Also, it gives me something to talk about with girls who think they are deep, but are in reality shallow. And those girls put out.

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3 Responses to “Zach Braff may or may not be my Jewish half brother”


  1. 1 daniel February 18, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    hahahaha

    “and those girls put out”

    thats funny.

    but true.

  2. 2 Jay February 18, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    for the record, i have yet to cry while watching garden state. and we all know my track record with tearing up in movies.

  3. 3 Michael Alpern February 19, 2009 at 3:45 am

    Is “daniel” D-Rock?

    D-Rock you fox you.


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