Archive for March, 2009

Judge Judy’s Jaded Jurisdiction

judge-judyI hate Judge Judy. And Judge Joe Brown. And Judge Mathis. To be honest, I have never really been a fan of reality shows. But there are some shows that I can put up with. The Bachelor gives great insight into the true feelings of someone falling in love while America’s Next Top Model sets a good example for young girls everywhere – but court reality shows are the worst. At least these other shows separate themselves from anything having to do with the law. Shows like Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown make a mockery of the entire judicial system, and as an average citizen (really good looking, but nevertheless average), I cannot stand for this. Thus, I would like to indict Judge Judy (on behalf of all judicial reality shows) with first degree mockery, reckless endangerment, and being mean. That’s right, being mean.

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Insert generic Gary Coleman joke


Well, I’m sure you know by now. The Sears Tower, the nations tallest building, will soon become the Willis Tower.

Now, seeing as how Pretzel Day has Chicago roots, you might think we are incredibly upset and very passionate about the name change.

Well I got news for you.

Continue reading ‘Insert generic Gary Coleman joke’

There is a comedic liberal conspiracy destroying America

Travis Henry attempting to have one child for every one of his career rushing yards

6921_55286626026I read the New York Times this morning (yes, someone under the age of 55 reads the newspaper) and I learned two very important things.

1. Travis Henry loves women.

2. Travis Henry loves kids.

How much does ex-NFL running back Travis Henry love women and kids? Well…

Continue reading ‘Travis Henry attempting to have one child for every one of his career rushing yards’

Dancing: A thing of the past

grindingI have always had a passion for history. In my lifetime, I have taken American, European, and World history. I’ve studied under some of the greatest historians that Glenbrook South High School has to offer. These men and women have enlightened me to all sorts of people, places, events and trends. Everyone from Martin Van Buren to Mina Shankar and everything from the Scientific Revolution to Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day (really more similar than you would think- just a lot of people getting trashed and throwing stuff out of their windows). But last night, I was once again reminded that there is a certain trend that I must have missed.

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Unofficial at U of I: From the Inside

So apparently I am an insider.

Well it is Sunday night, signaling the end of Unofficial Weekend. And thankfully, I am still alive.


For those that aren’t in the know, Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day at the University of Illinois started in 1996, when local campus bar owners were dismayed by the fact that the University’s spring break often coincided with St. Patrick’s Day. Headed by bar owner Steve Cochran, who owns 10 campus bars, Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day was born.

And a good time it was.

Continue reading ‘Unofficial at U of I: From the Inside’

We’re sorry, we did not know this was communist Russia: Unofficial at U of I edition

6921_55286626025This past weekend saw the University of Illinois host “Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day.” As usual, the dignified co-eds at this esteemed place of higher leaning celebrated the day by spending most of the weekend in the library studying. Also, they drank a lot. A lot.

This past weekend Champaign police officers issued well over 250 tickets citations, most of which were for underage drinking.

Pretzel Day had a man inside “Unofficial” and we will try to get you an insider’s look at the holiday in the coming days. So, don’t worry, there will be more on this story to follow.

Hope you all had a good weekend and, as always, thank you for your continued support of Pretzel Day.

Chicago Tribune: Numerous arrests mark ‘Unofficial’ event at U of I

March 2009
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