Apparently I hate Idaho

During college, I became the kind of person I promised myself I would never be. I began to shop at Whole Foods.  I wish I could say that I went to pick up women, but I cannot say that in good conscience. In truth, most of the women I saw there were old. But, I digress. My time spent shopping at Whole Foods was not a total loss. It was in a Whole Foods parking lot where I realized I have a deep seeded hatred for Idaho.

I was shocked when I found out. I was walking back to my car, sushi in hand when I saw a car with an Idaho license plate. “Huh,” I remarked. It was somewhat surprising to see an Idaho plate in the middle of Illinois. I quickly grew incredulous when I saw a Stanford University bumper sticker inches below the license plate.

I stood in the middle of the parking lot stunned.

“Stanford my ass,” I thought to myself. “This dumb Idahoan probably just saw a Stanford bumper sticker in some gift shop in Disneyland and is trying to appear smarter.”

A car behind me was trying to get through.

“He saw the sticker and decided he would throw people off back home in Idaho. They would all be impressed by the Stanford bumper sticker,” I rationalized. “He and his friends probably had a good laugh about it back home. They must joke about it when carpooling to work shifts at Best Buy or Potatoes ‘R Us.”

The driver flashed his lights in an attempt to get my attention.

“This son-of-a-gun most likely uses it to pick up chicks,” I reasoned. “Those dumb, probably fat, Idaho women see the Stanford bumper sticker and imagine that he is so smart. They throw themselves at him, hoping he has the education and money to pull them out of Idaho.”

The driver honked, startling me. I dropped the sushi and meekly moved aside.

Until that moment, I had no idea I thought so little of the state of Idaho and its denizens. It’s slightly embarrassing. Idaho has given me no reason to dislike it. I have met two people from the potato state and they both were affable and friendly. And yet my prejudice persists. In all honesty, if I were to see Idaho plates with a Harvard University sticker, I would have a similar reaction.  I would be in a state of disbelief. I would mock. Perhaps I’d even scoff. I don’t hate Idahoans, I just don’t think they are smart or belong in our nation’s top universities.

Why do I feel this way? I don’t know. Probably pop culture.

Does it really matter? I don’t know. Probably not.


2 Responses to “Apparently I hate Idaho”

  1. 1 Afton September 27, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Wow. You’re a deep person, aren’t you? A deep thinker too, eh? Just because you think something, doesn’t make it worth writing. Idaho has individuals within the same range of intelligence and ability as the rest of the world. We merely have less people (around one million in the entire state). Also, the cultural gap in the United States (and elsewhere) is becoming less pronounced as the Internet and social media in general becomes more available. One other thing, don’t kid yourself into thinking that your homogenized strip mall suburbia nightmare in the Midwest is significantly different than the homogenized strip mall suburbia nightmare anywhere else in America. I am from a small town in Northern Idaho and I personally know three people who went to Stanford. Two of them did their doctorate programs there and one of them recieved scholarships for an undergraduate degree because of work he did for NASA during high school, in which he developed panelling for the Mars rover with specific angles that accumulated less dust and therefore increased the longevity of the machines. Real potato eating dummies, these folk… Get real.

  2. 2 Don December 9, 2014 at 6:16 am

    Idaho is a cesspool. It lacks cultural diversity. It has a constant small town mentality that doesn’t believe in moving forward. The people who are born and raised there are very controlling.

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