Love Song by 311

For whatever reason, I fall in love really easily. At least once a day I’ll see a woman and think to myself, “Whoa. I think I love her.”  Luckily for me, I only occasionally feel the need to state this aloud. I don’t know why this is, but that’s not important.

I know what you’re thinking. “That’s not really love. You’re just fucking weird. Also, this piece has nothing to do with ‘Love Song’ by 311 nor Taylor Swift’s upcoming movie Valentine’s Day,  so why did you make that the title and accompanying photo?”

First off, I know I’m weird. I do it intentionally. As I am not conventionally good looking, I try to play up the “weird and quirky” angle. Secondly, I don’t have to explain myself to you.

Yes, it is love. It’s deep and meaningful. Trust me, it’s not just about looks. I do love that tall blonde girl in my 19th century American Lit class, but not because  she’s tall and blonde. I like her because she occasionally says or does things that make me think, “Yo, this chick’s a little off.”

For instance, we recently conversed about our winter breaks and how we spent our time at home. She was telling me about to her old high school when she confessed, “I was really jealous. The football field was replaced with this synthetic turf. It must be so great to march on.”

March on. This chick was in marching band in high school. That is sexy. Not only that, she was still so into marching band that she admitted jealousy that current high school students were marching on a superior surface. That is super sexy.

It’s not just band girls that do it for me. Any girl that can accurately be described as weird will rev my engine.

Another example can be found in my Media Criticism class from last semester. There was a young lady sitting two rows in front of me whom I believed to be of Greek descent. I reached this conclusion because her black backpack was coated with little press-on Greek flags. Naturally, this assumption of her heritage piqued my interest. However, the truth made her even more desirable.

She had recently transfered colleges between her sophomore and junior year. (Eh, that’s not that weird.) Because of the switch she didn’t have all that many friends at the new school so she spent a great deal of time studying and watching Friends on DVD. (There we go, we’re getting warmer.)  Her parents live relatively close to school, but she doesn’t visit home that often because she doesn’t drive. She never got her license. (Twenty-one and still doesn’t know how to drive? Oh, baby.) It turns out she wasn’t Greek, not even in a little bit. Nor did she have any sort of connection to Greece. She simply liked the flags. (That is batshit crazy. Excuse me while I go buy a wedding ring.)

There’s just something about a girl who’s not entirely normal that drives me crazy. I can’t help it.

A little too obsessed with Disney movies? Sign me up.

Prone to anxiety attacks and nervous breakdowns before big exams? I’d tap that.

A huge bitch? Hell yes.

Unresolved Daddy issues? Yup.

What does this mean? I don’t know. Probably that my wife is going to beat me, or some shit.

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1 Response to “Love Song by 311”


  1. 1 Paula February 9, 2010 at 4:20 am

    This is the first one I read. Oh my god… LOL “(That is batshit crazy. Excuse me while I go buy a wedding ring.)”


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